When in Rome…or… How to be a Turbotourist.
Arriving in the quaint, ancient town of Bath amidst rain drops, cloudy skies and the promise of thunder and lightening, we clutched our heavily annotated lists for the afternoon’s adventures. Our two hours in Bath was carefully planned to be filled with six significant sites, bites and sights.
1) the Baths (you can’t visit Bath without seeing the Baths!)
2) Sally Lunn’s (home of the Sally Lunn bun which must be tasted)
3) the Abbey (because what is a day without a Norman Cathedral?)
4) Jane Austen museum (the home of all truths universally acknowledged….)
5) Aqua (the restaurant recently named in the top 50 restaurants worldwide… in Bath of all places!)
6) Wander… and enjoy the city.
2) Sally Lunn’s (home of the Sally Lunn bun which must be tasted)
3) the Abbey (because what is a day without a Norman Cathedral?)
4) Jane Austen museum (the home of all truths universally acknowledged….)
5) Aqua (the restaurant recently named in the top 50 restaurants worldwide… in Bath of all places!)
6) Wander… and enjoy the city.
Thus it was a bit of a surprise when the nice usher at the Baths handed us our audio guides and said with a smile, “this tour typically takes 90 minutes, or 2 hours at the very least. Enjoy!” We thanked him, glanced at our lists, peeked at our watches, then peered at the classical spa… and proceeded to set a new record for Bath-ing, Rome-ing, and otherwise turbo-ing through the entirety of the museum in 26 minutes from entrance to exit.
So, here is how to view a large and exquisite museum at whirlpool speed… with three simple principles to begin your adventure.
1) Be prepared to multitask- running, dodging and listening to your audio guides simultaneously is necessary
2) Speaking of dodging- avoid tourist groups at all costs
3) Have your camera out at all times: uphold the flash and dash practice of Turbotourism
2) Speaking of dodging- avoid tourist groups at all costs
3) Have your camera out at all times: uphold the flash and dash practice of Turbotourism
With these in mind...on your mark, get set, go!
:01 Press 1 on your audio guide, prior to entering the first exhibit
1:00 Dodge all tourists, they will only block your path- particularly any large tour groups, guided by anyone wearing a strange hat, carrying an umbrella or large flower as a lightening rod
1:30 Now that you have actually entered the first exhibit, spend a minute (literally- 61 seconds is too long) looking around. While you are looking, listen to the second and third audio guides.
2:30 OK- Cameras out? Now that you’ve perceived the situation- make a decision (a fast decision) as to your routing… I’d recommend touring the upper levels, and then heading down the stairs to the lower pools.
3:00 this is your first flash and dash opportunity, are you ready? Cameras out? Take three quick shots of the scenery, the statues, and assorted crowds…
3:45 hand your camera to a friend/compatriot/fellow student/anyone who looks like they can press a button- and smile big… great, and we’re moving on!
5:00 You should be down the stairs by this point, having passed anyone who was in line ahead of you before you bought your ticket
6:05: run through the intro rooms, listen to audio guide 4, and fast forward through 5 and 6, as you make your way outside to the center Baths
9:45 Camera time! Pull out your cameras and ask a tourist to take your picture with friends/statues/water/etc… aim for a tourist who a) speaks English or another language that you speak and b) is carrying a similar camera to your own (in their hand… not around their neck). That way you won’t have to explain the complexities of your model.
11:30 Re-enter the museum, listen to audio guide 10 (if you are turbotouristing with other individuals, alternate audio guide recordings and share the highlights)
13 Look at the museum exhibits- be sure to admire the pieces, the pictures, and the history while you are listening to the next two audio guides.
19 Photo time! Quick shots of you in front of the steam room- they’ll be dark, but it’s still a great shot.
20:05 Wander, at a leisurely pace, through the final rooms towards the exit
23:40 Visit the Gift Shop and head towards the restaurant, taste the water, admire the fruit plates ad sandwiches,
25:10 Thank the guards at the exit, ask them to direct you to Sally Lunn’s, open your umbrella, and
26:00 minutes flat, congratulations you are officially a turbotourist!
When in Rome,
ej
amongst the bubbles
May, 2010
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